Why is it that we measure our success against that of others? Why adopt “the trend” to fit in instead of choosing to stand out from the crowd?

My friend and mentor once told me of his struggle in his early days of public speaking. He is an exuberant, comical and highly charismatic motivational speaker. His speeches are characterised by drama and consistent humour that sends his audience roaring with laughter. His onetime struggle, as shared with me, was trying to imitate a speaker he greatly admired. He thought the serious, calm and collected demeanor of the speaker he idolised, were better qualities than his own comical style.

My friend’s effort to imitate his idol led to great frustration because he just didn’t connect with his audience during those “serious” presentations. He gave up on his imitation venture when he discovered that his idol equally admired his comical style and wished he was as comical on stage. It was then that my friend learnt what he had was unique and constituted his strength in his career. He almost lost his uniqueness to the one thing that causes many of us to fail – CONFORMITY.

The unnecessary pressure of conformity

The two men exemplify the lives of many who consistently feel the need to conform and measure up to the standards of people they admire or those in society who are in a position to exert pressure on them. As human beings, we often fall into the temptation of measuring ourselves against the uniqueness of others, causing us to feel inadequate.

We forget that we admire those we do because of their uniqueness; a uniqueness that we also possess and would be worth copying if only we allowed it to shine.

The feeling of inadequacy sets you on a daily struggle to keep up with the pace set by others, doing things you sometimes don’t like but you think are necessary for you to fit in. In the process you lose your uniqueness and take up a personality that is only a façade and difficult to sustain.

Whose “trend” are you following?

Recently when speaking to a group of young people, they indicated to me that one of the struggles they face in their lives is “keeping up with the trend.” When I asked them, who sets the trend, they were at pains to explain the origin of some of the things they struggle to copy other than mentioning that some social icons do them.

The simple fact is that something only becomes “the trend” when one person does it and many others follow in doing the same. Some trends are not necessarily pleasant but they are established because of people’s tendencies to follow blindly just because a renowned person or someone they admire does it. You must be careful what you follow, lest you follow a crowd falling down a cliff to their deaths.

Feel afraid but beat your own path anyway!

Many people choose to follow because they are afraid to trend an unfamiliar path lest they fail. The fear of failure dampens their creativity. When you are afraid to trend a new path, you cannot see beyond what has already been done. You therefore begin to do the same thing others are doing and because the originator of the idea you are copying is the expert, you find yourself under great pressure to meet their standard.

Once you conform, you can never stand out and your success will always be measured against another’s. Conformity suppresses your intuition, your dream and your uniqueness. Instead of developing a passion for what you love, you struggle daily to achieve what you don’t love and have no passion for, but you feel is more acceptable and less risky to do. You adjust your life to meet the expectations of others and in the process you hurt your own dreams.

You are the firstborn of your kind

I love to say that every man or woman is the firstborn of his or her kind. We may call all female humans “woman”, but the definition of each woman lies deep within her and is like no other; the same applies to men.

Failure to recognize this causes humans to drown in the absurdity of trying do what they are not meant to do, utilizing gifts they do not have and expecting results they cannot attain, all in the bid to be like the other person. They end up living just an average life and frustrated whereas they could have lived better lives just being themselves!

Conformity comes with a consistent search for approval and the lack of it causes one to feel unappreciated, rejected and inadequate. While conforming, the need for approval and acceptance grows mainly because the only confidence you have about yourself is drawn from the importance you think others attach to you and how much you perceive them to appreciate you.

Embrace your uniqueness; take pride in your originality and LIVE TO BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE! You are the only you that God created.

To get in touch with the author, send email to evah@evahnjauini.com